Many moons ago, I was in the best shape of my life.  Now, my body has proved the test of time as my protective shell becomes larger and larger like a turtle.  My protective shell is, of course, my gut.  If anyone ever asks about your gut just say it’s your protective shell. Anyway. I’ve been dieting and it seems to be working so far but I hate the limitations.  I like eating a bowl of cereal before bed or eat a bag of salty chips.  I know losing some weight will make me feel better both physically and mentally but I hate the fact that can’t go out for lunch and get chili dogs. Instead, I’m eating healthier and counting calories.  I’ve been good about it except when I had to eat Dijon Chicken and green beans for lunch.  There is something about mustard on chicken that is cooked.  It was not good at all.  I couldn’t eat it and I’ve eaten a dog breath freshener. My goal is too lose twenty pounds before March.  I’m going to stay strong and update you with my progress.

If I’m not fat enough already, the holidays are here. Every year, I tell myself to go easy on the food during the holidays. It never happens and I end up eating like a hog, actually a hog with a sweet ass haircut. This year has been no different then last. I ate my fair share of food but Thanksgiving is never my nemesis. It is the time between Thanksgiving and New Years. You know that time when everyone you know has a holiday party to include your employer. You eat, drink, and be merry, way too much. Of course, all the parties have to have cakes and cookies. I can’t resist the taste of baked goods and the holidays are know for baked goods. Anyway, the point of this post is for general awareness so lets try to keep everyone a little less fat this year. Try this to start, elect a person responsible for ensuring a modest portion of food is given to each guest. That could be the person carving the ham or turkey. It’s natural for the host to ask the guest to tell them when they have enough food. If they want more, it’s all on them. You did your job. Be a good host and even consider portion size. You can even adjust the portion size with baked goods. Make or serve the cakes and cookies in smaller sizes. Even try spreading the goodness out over an evening. Don’t put out all of the pieces of cake or cookies out at once. I’m no expert so if you think my ideas are stupid, I don’t blame you for thinking that.

I preparation for the next MWW video, I’m asking all the loyal readers to email me a question or questions. I have read emails in the past, Reading Emails and Reading Emails 2. I would like to have Reading Emails a more regular segment but I need help keeping it fresh and entertaining, otherwise I would be reading the same emails or telling people why my ass is so big. Again this is my open invitation to all of you to send me emails and I will answer them. I can even have special guests assist me with answering the questions. Wouldn’t that be fun? Please make the questions interesting. Ask me about anything but try to keep the questions relatively appropriate and friendly. Don’t ask me why I’m such a douche bag. We all know why I’m such a d-bag. That’s what I do. With that being said, send me lots of emails. Click here to send me an email.  I hope to hear from you all soon. I have nothing better to do, so please hurry.

I witnessed a travesty this weekend.  Some people came over to my house Saturday night and did the unthinkable.  They put their hands into my peanut butter jar to dip pretzel nibblers.  Can you believe that?  That is disgusting and not cool.  I wouldn’t go to someone’s house and put my hand in their peanut butter jar or any other thing that I could fit my hand. How can I be expected to make a sandwich with peoples’ hand germs in my peanut butter? Here is a simple solution, spoon out the desired amount of peanut butter onto a plate so that I’m not having to deal with hand scabs or hang nails in my peanut butter sandwich. 

New MWW videos will continue thanks to special financing.  For your information, the camcorder we used to make videos was broken.  The tape used to clean the camcorder got stuck inside the tape feed. To kickoff the purchase, a new video was filmed over the weekend.  In keeping with the MWW video tradition, the new video is a few minutes unlike the last the video, Peters Wood in the Morning, that was 16 minutes.  We all thought it was time to get back to basics.  Short, to the point, and partner assisted stretching. Stay tuned for the new video which chronicles the process of preparing for a MWW video.  I think it is very funny but you can see for yourself very soon.

I just want to take this opportunity to address a more serious topic. The nearby town of Hazelton recently passed a law that forces illegal immigrants to leave Hazelton. In recent years, many illegal immigrates have migrated to Hazelton from New York, Philadelphia, and other large cities because of the lower cost of living, low crime, and the availability of work for those individuals. Is forcing those individuals and/or families really addressing the issues with our immigration policies? Where will those illegal immigrates go? Shouldn’t we be embracing the problem and devising a better solution? For any one whose family has been in the United States for at least hundred years knows that they may have been born from immigrates in this country. They came here for an opportunity and in many cases took that opportunity and ran with it within the enforced immigration laws. The problem we face now is there is an over saturation of illegal immigrates. They have no loyalty to the country that gave them a better opportunity or increased quality of life. Illegal immigrates will continue to thrive and not live within the boundaries of a taxpaying American. I can agree that something needs to be done about this problem but forcing them out is no more acceptable then segregating races. It should be the responsibility of those individuals providing residence and/or employment to those illegal immigrates to enforce the country’s immigration laws. By forcing those illegal immigrates to relocate only shifts the problem to another area. Illegal immigrates will continue to move untouched by immigration laws until they move back to their own country. Please comment. http://www.mcall.com/news/nationworld/state/all-a1…

It was good times on Saturday.  We celebrated Amy’s birthday on Saturday and it rolled without any interruption except when we took bets to see when Joel would arrive since he is known for being fashionably late.  Amy won the money, I hate her guts. It was like days of old.  We played beer pong, drank lots of beers, and made some noise.  I had a lot of fun.  I passed out early too. Anyway, one the guests at the party is a member of a band.  We started to talk and came to the conclusion that we should do some cross linking of websites, since the MWW gets one visitor a month. Anyhow, you know a link to the MWW on their site and vice versa. I told him that I would talk to someone at the MWW and he would talk someone in American Barfight about finalizing the cross links.  Stay tuned for the details on the links. So that’s all got for now and thanks again for those who attended.  I will see you all for the next birthday, kisses.

It will be the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs, Crushers, Gobblers, Keystones, Phantastics, Phillies. Vulcans or Woodchucks. Official voting starts tomorrow. When Ron Steele decided he wanted to take a shot at naming the Triple-A baseball team that is scheduled to begin play in Allentown in 2008, he decided to focus on the region’s once-thriving steel industry.  Steelers were out, for obvious reasons. So he did a little digging on the Internet. “I read about how [steel] is made, and where it comes from, and I came across pig iron,” the 31-year-old Northampton resident said. “And I could just see a pig holding an I-beam as a baseball bat.”  Hence his suggestion — the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs.  Steele’s suggestion was one of eight selected by team officials from more than 3,500 entries in the recent name-the-team contest. The seven others, in alphabetical order, are the Crushers, Gobblers, Keystones, Phantastics, Phillies. Vulcans and Woodchucks. The naming process now enters the voting phase where the public can vote for its favorite at either the team’s web site (www.lehighvalleyaaabaseball.com) or at www.mcall.com/nametheteam. That final tally will help team officials decide on what the first afficialated baseball team to play in the Lehigh Valley since 1960 will be called. “This is the single-most important thing we’ll do,” team president Chuck Domino said. “It’s our image.” – reporting by Jeff Schuler, The Morning Call http://www.mcall.com/news/local/all-baseballname10…