Right now, the news is swarming with stories of Michael Vick and animal cruelty.  Let’s talk about the real issue, Toilet Cruelty.  Ever drop a deucer that was so large and disgusting that you had to flush twice.  Disgusting right.  Here at the MWW, we call those double flushers.

Nobody ever considers the cruelty to toilets.  Imagine you are an airport toilet and have to be exposed to the touch of a very hairy men who probably had not showered.  A man who just finished up a long night with Gretchen who turned out to be Carl.  Cruel right?  Imagine being streaked with explosive diarrhea as a result of a gas station beef and bean burrito.  Wow.  Yeah, I went there.  Disgusting and cruel.

Sometimes I’ve had shit cramps so bad that when I finally made it to the toilet, I pissed on the back of my pants.  The utter cruelty of it all.

The bottom line is nothing can be done to stop this cruelty but think about it the next time you are squeezing out a chocolate hot dog and know the backsplashes are tears.

The summer is almost upon us. I can’t wait. I have so much to do this summer it is unbelievable. I have three weddings to attend, paint the shed, finish the upstairs bathroom… The list goes on and on. Where do you find the time? I know how we find the time this year. It’s simple, don’t go anywhere this summer. Stay the fuck home. Gas is will soon be well over four dollars a gallon. This economist named Dan Dorfman thinks gas could be somewhere between $7 and $10 in the next three years. Of course, he is speculating based on a theory that crude oil will be $200 a barrel in just those short three years. Can you believe that this is happening? Like I said stay in your houses. Don’t go anywhere and eat as much as you can while you are at home. You got to get fattened up for the winter. Heating Oil is also quite elevated in price as well. I have an 1100 square foot home and I’m close to using 800 gallons of oil even with this year’s mild winter. The good news is that some may say that the rise in gas prices could decrease obesity in America. Think about it, lazy Americans can’t afford the trips to restaurants or fast food stores and establishments can’t be profitable by delivering their hot, out the bag, goodness. It is such a mess for the obese American, me being one of them. So let’s think about the options. Alternative fuel? More public transportation? Carpooling? Telework? Maybe the government should have all the unemployed and disabled people buck up for some gas money. What do we do? Someone should invent a water powered car or one of those Mr. Fusion like devices from Back to the Future Part II. I don’t know. I’m not smart enough to figure that out. All I know is that I’m going to get fat this winter so I can stay warm in the winter.

In roughly two weeks, Grand Theft Auto IV will be hitting shelves. I cannot wait to bust-a-cap on the first next-generation version of the ever popular game. I’m sure my wife will be thrilled to find out about the upcoming release of GTA IV. She was especially excited when Halo 3 hit. Of course, the game will be surrounded by scrutiny from the parents who think the game is too violent and not appropriate for their innocent child. My suggestion to all those parents is to do some fucking research about the products your children want. I would guess that most parents would not allow their children to watch R rated movies. Parents should have absolutely no reason to complain about the mature nature of video games when they no clue about what their children are asking for. Let’s be honest, if I asked my parents to buy me a video game in this day in age, they would have no idea what they were buying. In fact, I can remember my parents rushing out to the store the day before Christmas because they realized they bought wrong toy or gadget that I wanted for Christmas. I’m willing to bet that most parents understand movie ratings and that is the reason why video games now have ratings. Read the box! The game is intended for mature audiences like me. Let’s just hope that some parents have learned a lesson in product knowledge from the last Grand Theft Auto mishap that exposed gamers to sex laden mini game that was hidden by the game developers until some hackers discovered it. Oops. The bottom line is simple, I want to be able to purchase the game before it is temporarily removed from shelves so the developers can water down the mature nature of the game.

This is a random post but I love pulled pork sandwiches. You know pork that is pulled? It’s another form of barbeque. You just cook a shoulder cut of pork for several hours. The cooking process breaks down the connective tissue in the meat until it breaks apart easily.

I can eat that jit all day. People would nickname me “Saucy Lips” because of the everlasting BBQ sauce residue around my lips. Of course, this will never happen because if I did eat pulled pork everyday, I would quickly become 400 pounds.

Now some people may add their two cents to this topic and say that North Carolina is better then the stuff coming out Tennessee. North Carolina pulled-pork is vinegar based and the pulled pork from Tennessee is usually mixed with a tomato based sauce.

Personally I like them both on a nice roll with a pickle. I especially enjoy a pulled pork sandwich when it’s topped with a tangy cole slaw.

Now, I do have some low carb solutions when eating pulled pork. Try eating pulled pork off of someone’s back. Maybe stir it into your favorite mixed drink. How about pulled pork on ice cream? You could eat pulled pork out of a brown paper bag. You could throw pulled pork on your ceiling at home and just let it fall into your mouth.

Seriously, pulled pork is awesome. Carry on.

Ever notice how fun it is to combine the word “man” into another word.  If you combine the word “man” into fantastic, we get the word “mantastic”.  The word “mantastic” is simple to define.  Mantastic is used to describe someone or something that is the epitome of manliness.  For example, when asked about my awesome beard, my response is “Yes I know my beard is mantastic.”

Another man word is “man-camel”.  Urban Dictionary defines it being tight pants that reveal a man’s genitalia.  I refer to them as nut huggers but man-camel is fun too.

You are all probably wondering where this post is going.  Well, I thought I would define my favorite new buzz word, “manttractive”.  Manttractive?  Yes, manttractive

Let your imagination run for a bit before you get to the definition.

This word naturally applies to men, of course.  Men who are reading, have you ever been the victim of mistaken preference?  You know what I mean.  You go to a bar or nightclub, you are having a good time, dancing and shit.  The next thing you know another man is giving you butterfly kisses from a far.  That’s manttractive.  Ever wear cologne and another man at work says “mmmm, that cologne smells nice, what is it?”  Tell him Manttractive.  Got it, good?  Has another man’s hand grazed your hand while waiting in a public restroom?  That’s manttractive.  Ever get a haircut from the only man in the salon and it seems like he’s taking a really long time to wash your hair?  That’s manttractive!  Have you ever stared too long at another man’s ass?  That’s manttractive.

Well, I think that about does it for “Manttractive”.  Good day.

I’m glad spring is here.  The weather is nice, the birds are chirping, and my grill will soon be working in overdrive.  Every year, I make it a point to grill as much as possible; obviously, we invented Meat Friday.  I will make up celebrations just to grill.  Nothing is better then drinking a ton of beers, eating food from the grill, and enjoying the countless acts of toplessness in any given backyard.  By the way, I just made toplessness a word. Think of the camaraderie, the toplessness, the good food, and the good times.  Spring is here and the MWW will be in full force.  You know it.  Video, Photos, Margie’s Corner…  We will keep everyone updated on what the crew from the MWW is doing.  I will even post some of my favorite grillin’ recipes.  Of course, I can’t take credit for all of them.  Actually most of them but either way they are good grillin’ recipes. Stay tuned for details on the MWW Spring Wing Off. Later.